Utah suicide survivor shares message of hope and healing

RIVERTON — When Brittany Bagdasarov greets the day, she does it with gratitude. Thankful to be alive, thankful to have found Arman, a loving and supportive partner.

"We met at a silent disco, where you're dancing with headphones that are different colors," said Brittany

Brittany and Arman have been married for four months, and a priority in their marriage is physical and mental health.

"What helps with my mental health is like a morning routine, and a night routine, and just getting in the sun every day, talking to Arman, laughing, reading every morning, and working out five times a week."

The couple spends 15 minutes every morning reading books about self-improvement and mindfulness. They then often grab a quick breakfast and hit the gym together, Arman is a fitness trainer, and Brittany is a former professional dancer.

"I think finding a partner or someone that is equal and supportive and loving and is just your best friend, first and foremost, is incredible," Brittany said.

A new, different life

The life Brittany is now living isn't one she could have envisioned seven years ago. At the time, she was in college suffering from depression, self-harm, and thoughts of suicide.

"I was like, I can't even see or talk about the next day let alone the next week, or month," she said.

In 2017, Brittany hit an all time low. She was hospitalized for 11 days following a suicide attempt and began an intensive outpatient program with medication and therapy.

"I just had to start changing something because I realized that I was in such a dark place but nothing was changing," she said. "And I was like if I'm going to be here on earth, and be alive, then I've got to change this."

It was about a year after Brittany's suicide attempt that she first shared her story with KSL-TV, and one of those changes she made at the time was focusing on art-therapy and playing the violin. Brittany also found healing in turning her attention outward onto other people. An important relationship in her life is with her longtime friend, Hayden, who has Down Syndrome.

"A big part of getting through what I've gotten through is taking eyes off myself and putting them on other people. And Hayden is the perfect example of that, he's always doing that, and is always loving and helping other people," she said.

988 suicide crisis hotline

Brittany's journey is one that thousands of Utahns face every year. In fact, from July 1, 2023 to June 30, 2024, Utah's 988 suicide crisis hotline received more than 91,799 calls.

"It is OK to not be OK, and you don't have to have those feelings or those difficult thoughts alone, there is always someone who is available over chat, text, or phone call to officer those supports," said Rachel Lucynski, director of community crisis services with Huntsman Mental Health Institute.

According to the Utah Department of Health and Human Services, more than 700 Utahns died by suicide last year, the second highest number on record. And 91% of Utahns have a connection to someone who has talked about, attempted, or died by suicide, according to a 2020 survey by the Kem C. Gardner Institute.

"Just feeling overwhelmed with life, dealing with job loss, a breakup, any of those stressors in life where you could use that support and resources, that's the right time to reach out and contact 988," said Lucynski.

Thanks to intervention, Brittany climbed her way out of the darkness and began to feel moments of hope.

"It was very slow moving, it was years, but having other people's support, a therapist, medication in the beginning, doing all those things, I've just learned tools and habits," she said.

'Happy every single day'

Today, Brittany continues to expand on those tools and habits. She no longer uses medication, and instead focuses on healthy eating and exercise, which includes daily walks with her husband where the two spend time talking.

"I'm doing awesome," she said. "Every day is different, I'm not happy every single day, but I'm doing good."

Brittany said being vulnerable and sharing her mental health journey with Arman when they first met was another step in healing and building a strong support system.

"I don't think I would have found Arman unless I had taken care of me and gotten good on my own," she said.

Brittany hopes by sharing her mental health journey, others who are going through something similar will know they are not alone. She prays they'll hold on and have faith that there is more for them beyond what they can see.

"You're not alone, and other people have felt what you're feeling and there is so much more hope and you've just got to choose to do something, say something, or hold on for one more day because you don't know what's ahead of you, you don't know what's going to happen in 10 years when you find your best friend and you love your life, and you get to live, you know, you get to live another day."

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