Parents of boy who made 'kill list' speak out to help others


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RIGBY, Idaho — When a student wages a violent attack on campus or makes a serious threat, people often wonder about the child’s family life. Todd and Pam Gunter know firsthand what it is like to face that scrutiny.

Last year, the discovery of their 13-year-old son's hit list rocked their small town of Rigby, Idaho, and left them stunned and bewildered. Police officers said he had compiled a list of students and police officers he planned to kill.

“My first reaction was the same as any parent would be — ‘you've got the wrong child,’ ” Todd said.

A good student with lots of friends, the Gunters say they had no reason to suspect anything was wrong with their son.

“He has always been able to make really good, strong friendships,” Pam said.

The Gunters found out about the hit list after other parents told them their son had sent threatening text messages.

“I got hold of his cellphone and started looking and what I found had absolutely shocked me, floored me,” Todd said.

Pam remembers sitting beside her son on the couch. “I looked at him and I said, ‘What were you thinking?’ and he just buried his head in the sofa and said, ‘I just had to get it to stop. I had to get it to stop.’ ”

The Gunters turned their son in to authorities. A police investigation revealed he had been bullied at school and online — physically threatened if he told anyone.

“Every time a piece of this fell into place, your heart just sinks because you don't know how bad it was for the child in order to push them to that point,” Todd said.

A year later, the Gunters are sharing their story to prevent this from happening to another family.

“The reason we tell our story isn't so that people will look differently on us. We were also looking for the solutions,” Todd explained.

The Gunters said while they monitored their son’s social media, they did not check his private messages.

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“We didn't see what was going on behind the scenes,” Todd said.

They were shocked when a sociologist told them their son was too sheltered and they didn't fight enough at home.

“We do have disagreements, but we don't openly fight,” Pam said.

The sociologist told them because their son did not experience conflict at home, when he faced bullying he lacked coping skills.

“Adolescents believe the world is going to come to an end because they run out of coping strategies that leads to ‘I’m going to do something drastic,’ ” said child psychologist Douglas Goldsmith, director of the Children’s Center in Salt Lake City. “I think the critical part is talking to children about who is available to help. ‘What are your coping strategies?’ ”

The Gunters' son learned some of these strategies while in juvenile detention following the discovery of the hit list.

“Why are we waiting until children are in trouble before we start teaching them these skills?” Todd said.

The Gunters are now working with the Idaho Legislature and sociologists to develop an anti-bullying program that includes classes on conflict resolution.

“Ideally, we would like to have a course a month in the schools where they can develop their skills,” Pam said.

She believes kids are exposed to contentious situations at school that would never be tolerated in a workplace. “The profanity, the vulgarity, the stories — there is just no limit to what (students) talk about.”


Every time a piece of this fell into place, your heart just sinks because you don't know how bad it was for the child in order to push them to that point.

–Todd Gunter


Goldsmith said classroom statistics reveal the critical need for more mental health resources in schools.

“In a typical classroom, almost 50 percent of the kids are dealing with the effects of divorce, 15-20 percent have been abused or witnessed domestic violence,” Goldsmith said.

He referred to a Kids Count Survey that shows 10 to 15 percent have one or more emotional, behavioral or developmental conditions, and that's why parents and teachers need more help.

Goldsmith believes students need better access to school psychologists and counselors all the time so it becomes a default habit.

The Gunters would also like to see more check-in, check-out programs in Idaho and have created the website Be the Power of One to drive change and inspire more people to take action.

“It only takes one person to intervene in order to get the bullying to stop, but if that one person doesn't act the results can be catastrophic in a child's life,” Todd said.

The Gunters' son is now enrolled in a new school and his parents say he is doing well. Their son’s old school has agreed to pilot the anti-bullying program developed by the Gunters.

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