How to fake a clean home in 6 simple steps

How to fake a clean home in 6 simple steps

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SALT LAKE CITY — Most of my friends and neighbors are convinced my home is always clean. I’ve tried to explain I am not the amazing homemaker people think I am, but very few believe me. However, the reason this falsehood continues is because I let it. My secret is that I know how to fake a clean home.

1. First impressions are important

People’s first impressions of my home begin before I ever open the front door. When people come to my house they stand on the porch, waiting for me to answer their knock. While there, they have ample opportunities to look around.

Although they may not mean to do so, they notice whether the front porch is swept, if the cobwebs have been dusted from the porch light, and if the muddy handprints have been cleaned off the door.

Before ever entering my home they have formed an impression about my house based entirely off my front porch. For this reason, I take five minutes every month to make sure my front porch is somewhat presentable.

2. Have a clean space near the entryway

In my current home I am lucky to have an entry way that doesn’t show much of the rest of my house. Because of this I make sure my first cleaning and straightening priority is that small area. This helps me in two ways.


I make sure my first cleaning and straightening priority is (the entry way)... First, it helps those who never come more than a few steps into my home assume that, since the front room is clean, the other rooms are as well. Second, it helps me maintain my sanity levels when the rest of my home is chaotic. And finding small moments of peace is important if I want to tackle the rest of my house.

First, it helps those who never come more than a few steps into my home assume that, since the front room is clean, the other rooms are as well. Second, it helps me maintain my sanity levels when the rest of my home is chaotic. And finding small moments of peace is important if I want to tackle the rest of my house.

3. See how a guest sees

Before living in our current home, we lived in a small condo. The front door opened right into our living room and kitchen. Directly across from the front door was the door to the master bedroom. One of the first things I realized after moving into that condo was if I wanted to maintain my cleanliness charade I needed to make sure the bedroom door was closed before opening the front door because, let’s be honest, making the bed and picking up the floor was way down on the priority list. But keeping that mess out of sight was easy by merely closing the bedroom door.

The other key thing I did was spend several minutes acting as a guest at my own home by standing at the front door facing into the condo. A lot of times it is easy, as the homeowner, to forget about our cluttered surroundings when we open our front door to others. By reversing positions, and looking into our homes like a guest, I was able to pinpoint small changes that could be made to help keep up my clean-charade.

I quickly realized that, by standing a certain way when opening the door and blocking their view to the kitchen, guests could only see into my living room, thereby letting me breathe easier about the mound of dirty dishes on the kitchen counter. Keeping this in mind and closing our bedroom door before answering the front one meant I only had to worry about one room, the living room, instead of three.

4. Have a clutter cupboard

Now, there are many times when guests are welcome into my home farther than the front door. In those instances, I use my clutter cupboard. We all have that clutter: mail that hasn’t been taken care of, various papers, drawings from kids, and random things we have yet to put away.

My husband knows my clutter cupboard as the place where we keep our pots and pans. But I have found that, if I scoot the cooking paraphernalia around a bit, I can successfully fit my entire paper pile out of sight, in this cupboard. It’s amazing how simply sweeping a few of those things away and into my clutter cupboard makes my kitchen look so much cleaner. Then, when my guests leave, I take my pile back out of the cupboard and strew it across the counter, just like it was before.

5. Spot clean

When I know guests are coming and I don’t have time to mop the entire kitchen floor, vacuum the living room and tidy the bathroom, I focus on spot cleaning.

Spending two minutes to sweep the kitchen removes most of the dirt on the floor. The other marks I spot clean. Instead of vacuuming I focus on picking up the larger pieces of lint and call it good. And simply washing the bathroom mirror and shining the sink faucets make my bathroom look a lot better.

By choosing to be happy with a slightly cleaner home, instead of a perfectly clean one, I cut down on a lot of stress and work I don’t have time for.

6. Act like it’s normal

Now there are times when all my normal tricks don’t work. Times when it’s been weeks since I swept the front porch, my kids have strewn toys throughout every room, and the kitchen looks like a cooking bomb has exploded. During those days I still invite people in, smile, and ask if they’ve ever experienced days like I’m clearly experiencing. They always assure me they have and, when I teasingly ask if we can still be friends, they agree.

My attitude of non-embarrassment over the condition of my home that day helps others view the chaos in its temporary light. When I deal with the mess in a graceful manner, my visitors subconsciously take the same cue from me and do as well. But really, my true friends like me even if my house doesn’t look clean.


Elizabeth Reid has bachelor degrees in economics and history. She has worked in retail, medical billing, catering, education and business fields. Her favorite occupation is that of wife and mother. She blogs at gelatoandchocolate.blogspot.com.

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