Estimated read time: 5-6 minutes
SALT LAKE CITY — In 1989, the Utah Board of Pardons and Parole told James Pernell Sherard he would serve the rest of his natural life in prison.
But on Tuesday — after going 17 years without a single write-up, completing several treatment programs and earning multiple degrees — Sherard was granted a rehearing and a chance to show the board he isn't the same person who was sent to prison more than three decades ago when he was 18.
In 1987, Sherard pleaded guilty to aggravated murder, a capital offense, but was spared the death penalty. He was convicted of brutally stabbing Madeline Beltran, 52, repeatedly in the throat, chest, legs and lower abdomen. Her blood-soaked nightgown was found in a corner of her bedroom and her naked body lying on her bed. Evidence of sexual abuse was also found.
During a parole hearing in 1989, the pardons board told Sherard he would serve the rest of his natural life in prison.
In 2020, however, the board entertained the idea of holding a rehearing upon completion of certain programs and due to his disciplinary-free record and positive employment history.
At Tuesday's hearing, Sherard, now 55, explained how his family had moved from the small city of Montrose, Colorado, to Salt Lake County when he was a child. Sherard found himself having to care for his siblings when his mother wasn't home starting when he was 8 years old. He also began hanging out with older teens and was first referred to juvenile court at age 8 for breaking into a car with one of those older friends.
"I've been in and out of trouble ever since," he said Tuesday.
By 18, Sherard was a drug addict. And on May 6, 1987, he said he broke into a residence not far from his house with the intent of committing a burglary.
"I was dope sick. I wanted to get high, and I needed money to do that," he told the board. But as he has stated before, Sherard says he doesn't remember much about what happened next.
"One minute I was burglarizing the house, the next minute I was standing over a dead body," he said Tuesday.
Sherard became a little emotional as he tried to explain Tuesday what was happening with his life at at that time.
"The 18-year-old me, to be honest with you, I don't even understand the 18-year-old me," he told the board. "My life just spiraled out of control.
"I was a criminal and I just didn't care about things," he continued. "Had I cared, I wouldn't be here in front of you today."
But Sherard says his restitution for that crime has been becoming the person he is today.
"I can't even begin to pay that back," he said.
He says a big moment of change for him came in 2003 when his sister died the day after she was paroled from prison.
"Not being able to say goodbye to her was a heavy blow," Sherard said.
When Sherard first arrived at the Utah State Prison at age 18, he says he was full of anger and resentment and was ashamed at what he had done to be incarcerated. On Tuesday, he gave thoughtful responses as he attempted to explain how he wasn't the same person who arrived at prison almost four decades ago and why he has chosen to stay out of trouble for the past 20 years, even when it seemed he would have no chance of ever being paroled.
"Some people may say it's hard, but it's not hard," he said frankly. "It's not hard to follow rules."
Sherard was also asked about his drug and alcohol use, which he called his "downfall." He pointed out that he's stayed sober, even when he was told he would spend the rest of his life in prison and "had nothing nothing to look forward to. It wasn't like I was going to get in more trouble."
"Even in prison I'm surrounded by these things, and I can choose to involve myself or go the other way. I've chosen to go the other way," he said.
Sherard credits the treatment programs he has completed while in prison for helping him change.
"These programs have helped me see that party every day, party every night, that's not what life is about. ... I can feel good without that," he said.
The board also noted Sherard is close to completing sex offender treatment and has learned several trades while incarcerated.
If he is granted parole, Sherard says learning about the advances in technology over the past 30 years will be his biggest challenge, and he believes spending time in a halfway house will be beneficial to help him readjust to life. He says his desire is to return to Colorado, a place he calls his "safety zone."
"It's where I can get a fair start on who I am, who I want to be and the direction I want to go," he said.
At the conclusion of the hearing, Sherard thanked the board for giving him the opprotunity to show them who he is now, while also stating, even if he isn't granted parole, it won't change who he is today.
"That kid is gone. He's been gone for a long time," he said. "People do change. … I'm not going to go backward.
"I am a different person. I do feel remorse for what I've done."
The board is expected to announce its decision whether to grant parole in a few weeks.
