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SALT LAKE CITY — Three in 10 U.S. adults have used an online dating site or app — but over half of those under 30 (53%) have reported using an online dating site, the Pew Research Center found this year.
Among dating apps, Mutual is the most popular for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and is "the No. 1 dating app in Utah as well," according to Tiah Westover, Mutual's director of marketing.
Mutual had "its first match," Westover said, when co-founder Cooper Boice moved from BYU to Arizona and recognized the struggle to find people to date who have similar religious beliefs and standards. So he partnered with CEO and co-founder Bob Carroll to develop the app.
In 2015, the app began its development. Since its launch in April 2016, the app has exploded in popularity through grassroots efforts and word of mouth, Westover said.
"Our mission as a company has been to create eternal marriages," he said. "It's a lofty goal, and everything that we do is in hopes of creating that environment where people who have similar goals and values are able to do those things."
But with any dating app, there are safety concerns and users need to be cautious and vigilant when meeting other users.
Swiping satisfaction among users
When Amanda Taysom switched from Tinder to Mutual, she noticed a difference, she said — especially because many of her matches were much more willing to seek a long-term relationship rather than a brief hook-up.
"It's night and day, the difference of the people and what they're looking for," Taysom said. "I'm looking to get married and in most cases, there's already that almost clear expectation."
But before Taysom matched with her now husband, she found there were also several users who either were not members of the church or were pretending to be members.
To best address this concern, Westover noted that Mutual's premium package now provides filters on the user's frequency with church attendance and temple recommend worthiness.
Other filters include height, relationship plans, and whether they want children or not.
"The way we've approached it is very similar to the church, where you don't have to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to enter a church building. We say Mutual's very similar. ... Visitors are welcome, but we do require you to uphold our community guidelines and standards, which are stricter than other apps," Westover said.
On Mutual, users can be restricted or banned for any inappropriate in-app or in-person behavior, including nudity, sexting, alcohol or drug use, or even in some cases immodesty, she noted.
The rules can prove beneficial for many; 96.2% of Mutual users reported feeling safe on the online dating app, according to the app's 2023 report.
However, just because many users have experienced satisfaction doesn't mean that there aren't still safety concerns, according to Boo Sampson, a previous Mutual user.
"Especially with Mutual being mainly for LDS people, there are guys who will get on there who don't really have the same values that most LDS women will have," Sampson said.
Sexual assaults and safety concerns
And it's not just Sampson who has cautionary tales about the app.
When Emma Williams went on a date with a man she met on Mutual, she expected to have a nice time "with someone who I thought shared the same values as me."
Instead, her safety was compromised, she said — stating that her Mutual match raped her.
"I did not know what to do," Williams said. She said she sought advice but was discouraged from filing a report because she was told that she wouldn't be believed.
But when her friend, Amelia Greenall, tried to report the Mutual user, Greenall said she was told by the Mutual support team that it was "a serious allegation" to make. When they asked for the police report, she noted that Williams didn't have one.
The request to review and ban the man from the platform was ultimately dropped, Greenall said.
"Nobody gets any gain out of reporting someone other than feeling safe. You know, it's rarely ever going to be, 'Oh, screw this guy — he didn't pay for my food; I'm gonna go say that he raped me," Williams said. "Women are not that vindictive."
When Greenall later checked the man's account, she found that it was still active.
"I wish that they could have temporarily disabled his account and said, 'Your account is under investigation for sexual assault because of such sexual assault allegations,'" Greenall said. "People will probably let predators continue to go free because we didn't have, you know, a police report or something like this."
When asked about Williams' case, Westover noted that Mutual takes its reports seriously and acts swiftly, adding that Mutual was created by members of the same community that uses the app, and deeply cares about its community.
"One case of sexual assault is too much. We're very strict on that, and we're very quick to ban," Westover said. "We will always sacrifice revenue for the safety of our community."
Westover added that Mutual works under the assumption of truth and continuously works to improve and help its online community remain safe.
"It's 98% of reports are genuine — and whenever we start talking about safety, there's always the, 'But what about the false reporters?' And the thing is, if we're wrong 2% of a time, I'm comfortable with that for the safety of our community," Westover said. "Whenever we get a report, we operate under the assumption of truth."
A Sandy man is facing multiple sexual abuse and kidnapping charges after meeting three separate women on the Mutual app. Charging documents say he "lured them to his residence, where he sexually assaulted them." According to the charging documents:
- In March of 2022, the man showed his date a gun in his pocket and then drove the woman to a secluded area where he sexually assaulted her while again mentioning the gun.
- In June of 2022, he sexually abused a woman at his home before she was able to break free and leave.
- In September, he sexually abused a woman at his home where his date agreed to meet him for dinner. Charges in that case were just filed on June 28.
Mutual also partners with Utah's Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Westover said, and every Mutual team receives education on how to best support sexual assault survivors, educate its community and create a safe app.
"We do trainings with our entire team, not just our support team, not just our marketing team that's educating them — but down to developers so that everything is developed with consent in mind and everything is developed with safety in mind," Westover said.
Tips for swiping safely
While Mutual users can have fun while using the app, Westover encourages them to remember to educate themselves on how to best stay safe.
"Know the signs of someone who could be predatory, and just because they're showing the signs doesn't mean they're definitely a predator — but it gives you that education to make wise decisions," Westover said. "What it comes back to is all of these are decision-based, and we want you to be prepared to make those decisions."
McKenzi Layton, another Mutual user, noted that while she had positive experiences with the app and even met her husband on the site, it's still important to remain vigilant and note the risks that come with online dating.
"That's definitely what I would always recommend — is meeting in public places, making sure your friends know where you are, safe words with your friends, maybe you've got a roommate to check in on you," Layton said.
Greenall and Williams also agreed that while it was important to take safety measures, it is just as important for users, especially men, to learn about consent.
"I wish we changed the way we talked about that (dating safety) and taught them about consent and how it's important — and tell them about, you know, that if somebody says no, they're not comfortable, then you stop," Greenall said.
Williams added that having less taboo around the topic of dating safety and consent could prevent sexual assaults in the future.
To help the app implement greater safety measures, Williams said she hopes Mutual continues to investigate reports seriously and take the necessary steps to prevent any predatory users from hurting others.
The app is continually improving, Westover added, and any individuals with ideas on how to improve the experience can offer suggestions via the app's user suggestions site.
"We're constantly surveying our audience and trying to make sure that our community is being heard and getting what they need and want. And so if this is the need that they have, this is something we'll absolutely consider and continue to work toward," Westover said. "Anytime someone has product recommendations, we want to hear it and we act on it."
Ultimately, staying safe also comes with remembering that Mutual is not the exception when it comes to dangers with dating, according to Layton.
"It's still a dating app, and it still has all the same risks as the rest of the dating apps," Layton said. "Users should still take the same precautions that they do with all the others."
