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SALT LAKE CITY — Despite the American public ranking domestic violence as one of the most serious national issues, many still consider the topic too taboo to discuss.
Sixty-two percent of Americans consider domestic violence a serious national problem, placing it on the same level as substance abuse (70%) and terrorism (65%), according to 2018 survey by the Allstate Purple Purse Foundation. Yet the same survey found that 34% of Americans believe that topic is too taboo to discuss, a 10% increase from 2014.
The taboo or stigma attached to conversations centered on domestic violence can have devastating effects, advocates say.
"I think that one of the reasons why it has this air of being taboo is the immediate thought is with the victim. 'Why did they not leave? Why did they get into this relationship? How did they not know? Why did they let this happen to them?' So many of our initial questions have nothing to do with the perpetrator," said Kimmi Wolf, Utah Domestic Violence Coalition communications director.
"Very rarely, or way down the road, do we ask: 'Why did this person choose violence?' And even when we do allow ourselves to ask those questions, sometimes we're very open to, 'Well they were drunk,' or 'They were stressed.' ... There are all these other things that are used to somewhat absolve them, but we never give victims that amount of grace," she continued.
Approximately one in three Utah women will experience some form of domestic violence in her lifetime, according to the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition. Research also found that 40% of adult homicides in Utah are domestic violence related.
Victims of domestic violence may also feel shame regarding their abuse, which can further isolate them, said Lindsay B. Gezinski, an associate professor at the University of Utah College of Social Work.
"Intimate partner violence and domestic violence oftentimes can grow in intensity. So it might start out with small acts, maybe of always wanting to know where a partner is, which can escalate to more extreme forms of violence. So sometimes folks don't know it's happening at the beginning and then all of a sudden they are in the more extreme, violent relationship," Gezinksi said.
Violence is never an option in a relationship.
–Kimmi Wolf
"I think that a lot of survivors blame themselves for the violence or abuse, and they're frankly embarrassed to talk to their friends and family about what's happening. But then also a dynamic of these relationships is to separate survivors from their friends and family," she added.
Extreme cases of domestic violence that gain significant attention can elevate conversations regarding abuse. While conversations in the wake of tragedy are important, advocates emphasize the importance of introducing and maintaining conversations even in the aftermath.
"What I think is even more important is that we talk about domestic violence before it happens," Wolf said. "Violence is never an option in a relationship. Any type of power control, or if you feel unsafe, it's not a healthy relationship. Let's talk about this.
"That's the conversation we need to have — not just responding but being proactive."
