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SALT LAKE CITY — The high-pitched squeals of anger and other emotions emitted from a toddler in the throes of a tantrum are enough to send most parents into meltdowns of their own. But new research is giving parents an inside look at what's behind them.
"As a mother, I do that all the time," Dr. Lisa Childs, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Primary Children's Medical Center, said. "My kid's upset about something, and I say, ‘How dare you get upset about that!' And I become emotionally involved in it," said
Related:
Taming tantrums: what works and why
Every parent at some point will experience the frustration of watching their child have an absolute emotional meltdown. But don't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet. Here's what works when attempting to tame a tantrum.The tantrum pattern is described in a new study published in the journal "Emotion." Scientists say no matter how long a tantrum lasts or how often it happens, it follows three phases:
- Phase 1: The child begins yelling and screaming.
- Phase 2: The child becomes physical and throws things.
- Phase 3: The child starts crying and whining. This is the sadness phase.
Researchers say the trick to dealing with tantrums is to get the child past the anger, when they're throwing their toys, and get to the sadness. When children are sad, they're ready to reach out for comfort.
So, how do you get past the anger? Scientists say do absolutely nothing.
KSL News asked KSL TV Facebook fans about their experience with working through their children's tantrums.
#poll
Liz Hanson wrote, "I think that having a solid battle plan for dealing with the tantrums before they occur is key. ... I have found that trying to deal with [my child] when she is out of control is counterproductive."
Elizabeth Leming said, "When my children are in a good mood, I teach them calming-down techniques so that when they want to throw a tantrum I can remind them to calm down."
Lori Farnsworth mirrored the scientists advice, saying it's "best to ignore the tantrum"
"It's a lot easier said than done in the real moment," Childs said, adding that parents should avoid falling into the anger trap — that's when you try to reason with kids during a tantrum. She says their brains really can't process logic, especially in that moment.
But if ignoring tantrums doesn't work, Childs suggests checking with your pediatrician to see if your child might need some in-depth tantrum therapy.
Email: niyamba@ksl.com
