Former soldier uses golf as way to cope through trauma


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OGDEN — Serving in the military is undoubtedly a difficult challenge. But the return home can prove to be just as difficult for soldiers, having to still deal with the emotional and physical trauma of war while trying to pick up the pieces and move on.

That was certainly the case for Shawn Pugmire. He grew up in Ogden and graduated from Roy High School. After the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, he decided to serve his country by joining the Marines.

Pugmire was deployed to both Iraq and Afghanistan, and while there, had to endure incredible pain and trauma.

Now that he's home, Pugmire uses golf to help him get out and enjoy life while he tries to deal with the personal aftermath of war.

The first deployment

Pugmire's first assignment was to Iraq in 2003.

"I was the guy on the ground, kicking in doors," Pugmire said.

But what he saw while he was there, he was not ready for. "You are trained for it, but what you see on the other side you are not trained for."

Pugmire said that, at that time, anyone who picked up a weapon was seen as a combatant. One particular event that stood out to him was when a kid was pointing a gun at him, making an already complex situation even more difficult — not only to deal with, but to fully comprehend.

"People were holding guns that shouldn't be holding guns," Pugmire said. "I have kids of my own. My oldest is now the same age of that kid when it happened."

For Pugmire, even though it was an unfavorable situation, he still had to do his job.

"At the time, you can't let anything misjudge or (cloud) you. If you sit there and think about something, you are going to end up dead," he said. "You can't think about it. You don't think about the moment, all you think about is life or death. That's what it is. It is going to be you, or it is going to be him or her. You don't have time to process that."

Called back to action

Three years after his tour ended in Iraq, Pugmire was deployed again, but to Afghanistan this time.

While there, Pugmire cheated death on four separate occasions in a two-month period.

The first occurred after a meeting with leaders in an Afghan village.

"Twenty minutes after the leaders had left, we got attacked by mortars and RPGs. I remember hearing the sound, and the next thing I remember is waking up on top of a door, my helmet and rifle were off my head, and my interpreter was in the corner of the room crying, with chaos everywhere," Pugmire recalled.

But that wasn't the only time Pugmire lived through an explosion. Shortly thereafter, he was blown up and thrown into a rock wall.

"I busted my nose and had blood all over," he said. "I got up, disoriented because I had blood all over my face, and all I could hear were the rounds that were being fired, so I just pointed my gun in that direction and started shooting."

His third near death encounter came when he was blown 30-feet off of a cliff. He remembers there being a fourth incident but can't remember the exact situation that happened. He does remember the aftermath of that encounter, though, because he has to deal with it every day of his life.

"I was in a blast that caused injuries to my brain and to the left side of my face. I lost the hearing in my left ear, and my eyes have become more sensitive and I have lost some vision in them," Pugmire said. "I even have problems remembering things — simple things that people should remember I don't remember."

He also had to relearn how to do a simple task most of us do every day.

"My equilibrium was shot, so I had to learn how to walk and balance again."

Pugmire had to deal with all of it while recovering in a hospital for a year and a half year after returning home.

"Emotionally I died over there," he said. "The person that I was when I was sent over there is gone."

Unique coping mechanism

After kicking down doors in Iraq and surviving four separate explosions in the Afghan mountains, Pugmire is in a daily battle to enjoy life. But he continues to fight.

For Pugmire, playing golf helps him cope with the large emotional toll he has had to deal with, especially when he is out playing with a fellow veteran.


Being out on the golf course gets me out of that environment. It opens me up to other people and to what I've missed for 16 years.

–Shawn Pugmire


"I have an issue with crowds and just being out," he said. "But being with vets who have been there and done that, it brings my anxiety way down. You don't even need to talk about it, you can just look at each other and you know."

After surviving four near-death encounters, Pugmire is still able to showcase a nice a golf swing.

He didn't always like golf. In fact, before he was deployed, he hated it.

"It was a boring sport and I didn't want to play it," he said.

But after his first tournament with other wounded vets, Pugmire changed his opinion on the sport.

"It was probably the best day I've had in a really long time. We were out there having fun. No one was there to impress and people were just being nice to each other. Everyone understood each other."

Now when he golfs, his goal is not just to shoot under par but to also use the outing as mental encouragement.

"It is a mental cheerleading type thing for me," he said. "Most of my issues are caused by PTSD and my TBI (traumatic brain injury) — anger, isolation. Being out on the golf course gets me out of that environment. It opens me up to other people and to what I've missed for 16 years."

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